A Dating & Relationship Vetting Framework
The ADF Scale
Don’t score potential. Score evidence.
Purpose
To help women slow down, ask better questions, observe patterns, and make more informed decisions before becoming deeply emotionally invested.
The rule: Don’t score potential. Score evidence.
The ADF Scale is not an interview.
You are not expected to sit across from someone and interrogate him from a checklist. Some things can be asked directly. Others should be learned through time, conversation, observation, consistency, and appropriate verification. He does not need to know he is being assessed. Listen to what he says. Pay even closer attention to what he repeatedly does.
How to score
Award points only for evidence.
Every sub-question carries its own mark. Award points only for evidence you have actually observed or responsibly verified. Do not choose a category total based on how you feel about him.
The lens over everything
The Character Check
Character is not a sixth scored category; it is the lens through which every category should be assessed. Someone can learn the ‘right’ answers to dating questions. Character is harder to rehearse consistently.
Who is this man when he does not get his way?
- How does he handle anger, disappointment, correction, rejection, and inconvenience?
- How does he treat people who cannot do anything for him?
- Is he honest when honesty costs him something?
- Can he apologize without immediately defending or minimizing his behavior?
- What patterns show up repeatedly when he is under pressure?
The tally
Your ADF Score
A high score does not override a serious concern.
Do not average away dishonesty, coercion, abuse, uncontrolled anger, serious boundary violations, or other significant concerns simply because the total score is high. A numerical score is a prompt for reflection, not permission to ignore what you already know.
Before you proceed
The ADF Scale does not choose your husband for you. It is designed to help you slow down enough to see more clearly before emotional attachment makes objectivity harder.
- Ask questions
- Observe patterns
- Give it time
- Seek wise counsel
- Pray
- Use discernment
Forget the butterflies for a minute. What does the evidence say?
This framework is a reflection and discernment tool, not a guarantee of relationship outcomes or a substitute for professional, pastoral, legal, financial, or safety advice where those are needed.